Let's Be Transparent!!

( This is a new segment that I want to do, where I can be transparent with you all and talk more personal with you guys. I will be talking from a place of self, life, love, relationships, heart, thoughts, randomness ect. If you guys have any questions or topics you would like to discuss this will be the segment we would do that. I hope you enjoy... Love you )

I read a post the other day that really touched me. Touched me in a way that it wrecked me! Mariah Houghton Rideau posted a blog recently that spoke about why she had been absent from blogging and social media. She was very transparent and real. She was nervous to post because she was taking us into her inner most deepest thoughts which alone is scary enough! There were so many things that she touched on that made me feel like *phewww I'm not alone on this roller coaster we call life* There are times when we doubt ourselves, I know I am not the only one who has doubted themselves. For myself there are times where even though I may write good content and I do believe and agree with what I write, however I am going through it at that current moment and sometimes its feels as if I am being hypocritical because I am saying one thing and being positive and encouraging but yet I am going through, and may not be as positive in real life, and dealing with that current state in my life. You know that saying "practice what you preach". Mariah wrote :

"I feel like a disappointment, that the person who prays depression away for you still deals with it herself. The girl who writes about lonelinesss still asks God " where have you been?". I'm sorry if this disappoints you, that your favorite instagram girl is actually insecure" -Bonjour Mariah

Let me tell you when I read that I felt that in every part of my body!! I was shook! There have been many occasions where I have felt like a disappointment or as if what God has placed on my heart to do was a waste or a mistake. I even questioned myself like " did God really tell me to do this? or was this me?". When people don't support you or fake support you, or don't read what you put out it can be a little disheartening. Many people only see what we allow them to see as far as the good, bad and the ugly. It is rare that people let you see the UGLY side of their life because they want to paint an unrealistic life that everything is gucci and life is stress/problem free #iwish. They do not get to see the ugly side to things and what goes down behind the scenes. These past few months have been a battle for me mind, body, spirit and soul. A BATTLE!!! When God gives you a mandate and you work towards fulfilling it, best believe a fight is around the corner. Not a physical fight but more so a spiritual fight.

" I'm writing from a lonely place. From a place where I feel infinitesimal. From a place where honestly, I read back on my posts from the past and wonder why anyone would want to read something written by me. Someone so malaise, someone still struggling in infinite areas" - Bonjour Mariah

When the Lord told me to start a blog this was in 2010-2011 I was hesitant because I was not sure what I wanted to talk about or who my audience would be. I put it off for so long but the Lord would keep reminding me of what he told me to do. Long story short the Lord gave me insight on what He wanted me to do as far as audience and he gave me the name, and in 2016 I decided to finally submit and be obedient. Nothing is more intimidating than posting things especially about the word of God. Everyone has their own thoughts and opinions on what is right or wrong, and in today's world everything is debatable and very opinionated, so you never know the feedback or clapbacks you will get.

Thank God I have not received any negative feedback ( at least to my face), however the thought does play in my mind at times, and I know its the devil who brings thoughts like " who wants to hear from you?" , " you are not a preacher", "your struggling in that area, you have no room to talk" ect. Now one thing is when I do write about certain things and I may be going through it at that time, I am not only helping others but I am also helping myself. Sometime you have to give yourself a pep talk and get your life ALL THE WAY together and back on track. Its one of those moments we all have where you know what to do, but sometimes you rather be difficult and do what your flesh wants. So when I post my blogs I am like "Ok Sis, you can't be out here tell people not to do this, that and the third, and you do the complete opposite", because at the end of the day I will have to give an account for what I am tell you guys and my actions as well. The word says in Matthew 18:6 ;

But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

So I pray that I everyone is enjoying what I post and they are able to relate, get some insight and understand a little bit more. I pray I can be more transparent with my life and things that I struggle with on a daily because I am NOT PERFECT AT ALL and I sin daily but I know I have some wisdom that I can drop on you guys and help your walk and growth in the Lord. Everyday is a new day for Growth so let's Grow together.

Feel free to let me know some topics or questions you would for me to do in this segment. I am open to ideas..

Love you all to pieces,

xoxox, ZM