Lets Talk: Single During Quarantine
So yes, we are going through a pandemic, not able to see or touch our loved ones, everything is pretty much virtual. This has been a very trying time to be honest this is almost starting to feel like the new norm. During this pandemic I have had A LOT of time to sit, think and reflect on life as a whole past and present. I have been able to see areas that I need growth, areas where I am in a good place, and future goals. One of the things that has been a thought in the back of my mind is my marital status, I am single and waiting on Gods best . I try not to think about this and try to go with the flow. In the past I have heard taken webinars on how to grow as women of God and how to prepare myself for marriage and even how to be a godly wife. I noticed that I was focusing so much on marriage and being with someone that it started to become an idol in ways. Instead of me remembering the word of God that was spoken over my life and his promises thats have gone forth I started to place my dependence on man and what man says verses what God says. I would focus so much on marriage, weddings details (gown, themes, venus, etc), what he is going to be like and qualities... you know daydreaming. I didn't bother to ask God what I need to get rid of within myself or what I need to implement in my life to help me be the best for the man of God i'm constantly thinking about.
I want to talk to my singles for a moment. Speaking as a single lady I just have to put it out there and I hope I am not alone with this. I have really thought to myself how is this pandemic going to affect me meeting my future spouse? I've thought about my summer plans and how I was going to be out and enjoy myself and possibly meet someone who catches my eye. I mean we have to leave the house. right? we can't stay home and expect him to find us there ( I mean i put nothing past God it could happen), but I feel we have a better chance of meeting someone outside of the house , and this pandemic is not helping. If this pandemic does shown me anything it has shown me, where my focus is mainly, who and what I have been more dependant on, and my heart. We are used to the hussle and bussle of life that we rarely have the time or energy to really sit and and think, take inventory of what's going on, on the inside. That's why in this post I want t stress to all of how important it is that we spend this valuable time to really hoan on self, life as a whole future goals and even present. Just because the world stopped doesn't mean we have to put a pause on our life and achieving greatness.
It's hard enough to wait and be patient but now that we are limited on what we can and cannot do it can be very frustrating.
Don't Fall For The Trap:
So with that being said LADIESSSS! This is the time for us to be vigilant. We are all bored, doing the same routines weekly and hey maybe even daily. You may start to get DM's or texts from old flings and ex boyfriends be strong and DON'T FALL FOR THE TRAP! This pandemic is only temporary , and I would hate to see my beautiful sisters get caught up in a temporary moment with people who are not looking for a forever ending. Sisters if you are not strong enough to keep the conversation PG and cordial with no emotional attachment I would advise you not to even open up the DM and entertain a conversation. I have been there in the past where I received a DM or text from someone from the past and I entertained a conversation and feelings started to come back, regardless of the past issues and how toxic the relationship was, I felt I could manage my emotions and control the direction of the dialogue, while in the back of my mind thinking I have this under control. Man I was wrong. I got hurt even worse because before I knew it they would show their true self ( I was in denial) once again and they would stop all communication,just drop me like a bad habit. The next thing I see is a picture on social media with a caption saying " Nothing could tear us apart, my heart, my forever, 3 years strong ...." and they are in a whole relationship. Come to find out they had a fight and were not on speaking terms. BUT, guess who was the backup? ME! Thank God I never let it go past the DM's or Texts.
Some of us have not been so lucky. We have let our emotions and hormones get the best of us and weak and gave in. Only to be hurt and trying to put the pieces back together. No one wants to ever look crazy, desperate, or stupid. That's not a good look EVERRR!
" Us women are feelers, We feel everything and we sometimes let our emotions blind us from the reality"
That's not a good feeling. We need to guard our hearts during this time. EVERYONE has A LOT of time on their hands and i mean A LOT of time. Social media is a big distraction as it is and when we don't have anything to keep up busy our minds start wonder and and eyes start to wonder.
So, I share that with you guys to help you not to fall into the trap of being lonely & hurt/ disappointed during this pandemic and even after. Now, Im sure some of you have replied to a message or two but I just want to encourage you that if you know that this guy is not God's best for you then end ALL communication. You do not need to explain anything to anyone one. Instead, use this time to spend with God. I know it sounds cliche but this is a perfect time. Ask him to show you yourself, your heart? Your intentions? ask him what are his plans for your life? what does he want you to do during this time? I feel like I've said this before =) .... It's crucial that we use discernment and know what God wants for us. We do not need distractions or anything that will take us away from God's best for our lives and if I say so we deserve nothing but the best.
I Feel Hidden:
But,I feel hidden! "I feel like no one sees me. I post pictures and no one likes them, I don't have guys sliding in my DM's or texting me." Thats ok sis. That's ok. You have defeated half the battle. You may feel hidden because WELP! you are being hidden. Don't look at this like its a bad thing okay because its not. When you are hidden this is giving you time to get yourself together for when God decides to show you off. I have moments where I feel hidden, but its during those moments that I am reminded that this is a great time for me to enjoy life. Being single gives us the opportunities to live and enjoy life without strings, experience, grow, learn and mature. Try not to look at it so much as being hidden but more so preparation. To be hidden mean being out of sight or not readily apparent : concealed. and to be in preparation means to make ready beforehand for a specific purpose, as for an event or occasion. We have to die to our self, surrender to God, surrender to God's plan and not ours or where you thought you would be by now, and leave every concern at the feet of Jesus. Then we need to be plucked ,stripped off of everything that is not good and is not going to benefit us or the person who we will be connected to. Then we have to be washed with the word of God DAILY!!! we need to adapt the mind, heart and spirit of Christ.
Lets get more of God in us and less of this world. We should not live up to the standards of this world. Thats a No No! We see how the world reacted to toilet paper, cleaning supplies etc during this pandemic. That's not a good example if you ask me. We need to be ready to be that intercesor for our husbands, we need to be able to lay hands on our husbands and pray over him/cover him, we need to be able to minister to our husbands, we need to be able to hear from God. Yes, our husbands are supposed to lead and be the head of the household and he is we aren't taking that away from him, but its important that we can hear from God as well so we can be the HELPMATE he needs. Oh, you forgot huh? We are HELPMATES. We have to always be on guard because the enemy hates marriage and when you have a Husband who not just your husband but is a Man of God, a Man of Valer, Prayerful, Has a REAL/ GENUINE relationship with God and POWERFUL best believe you are going to have to stay prayed up at all times, and have that relationship with God like none other.
The attacks can make or break your marriage so at this point and time single ladies we need to get out armor and polish it up, we need to get ourselves at the level of maturity and relationship. We need to PREPARE ourselves. It's not all about sex and the flesh, its going to get old so what are you going to do then? Lets get prepared singles!!! (I am talking to myself as well.... This is for me also not just yall, I need a reminder myself)
In the midst of all this we are becoming a better person, we are growing, we are being pruned. When its time to be unveiled you would have had some time to prepare yourself and you can walk with confidence knowing you spend a lot of your singleness with God. You will have a better sense of who you are, your purpose, you will be able to handle disagreements better, you will be able to love your spouse better, you will have the tools you need.
What Do I Do Now?
Well, there is not much that we can do at the point and time. However, to make the best out of what we CAN do somethings that I have been doing is:
Reading- I love to read but during this time I feel like reading is a good way to have a "woosa" moment where you can step away from the everyday norm and take your mind off of whatever has been having your attention. This is a good distraction.
Resting- YESSSSS resting is what I am enjoying most about the quarantine! Not doing much just relaxing, watching TV, listening to music, doing some online shopping ( but don't get carried away)
Gaining Knowledge- Is there something that you have a niche for? A new hobby or interest? Is there a podcast you want to start or a blog or a non profit organization but you are not sure where to start research put time and effort into your craft whatever it may be.
*Learn how to cook, sew, do laundry, clean etc.*
Staying Connected- Stay connected to friends and family. My friends and I like to get together on Saturdays and we facetime or zoom calls and we call is a brunch date. We catch up on what's been going on with one another and just keep that bond. As for family check in on them as well see what they have been up too, or even if they need anything just give them that reassurance that you are there.
Spending time with God- I feel like this does not need any explanation. Talk to God, if you are feeling hidden, sad, lonely, unsure talk to him about it he wants to hear about it. Spend time in his word,in worship and prayer as well. Find your PURPOSE do you really know your purpose?
-Pray for your future husband!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( mind, health, spirit, finances, family, future, spiritual walk, love, development....etc)
Limit time on Social Media and TV/Movie binge- Watching too much TV and being on social media is not the best way to spend this time. We literally have NO DISTRACTIONS ..... unless you have kids. There is only but so much TV and social media we can do. I am already over TV and social media its the same thing everyday. Fill the time that you would with social media and TV with one of the things listed above. Podcasts and audiobooks are something HUGE for me right now a few podcasts that I am currently listening to are:
-Life With The Lindseys
-Crime/Mystery Podcast ( I majored in Criminal Justice so I find these things intriguing
-Thirty Minutes w/ the perrys
- Transformation Church
-WHOA that’s good Podcast (Sadie Roberts is my best friend in my head)
-The Godly Dating 101 podcast
-Havilah’s Podcast......and the list goes on!
Spend time with yourself- Get to know what you like/dislike, what do you want out of life? What areas do you need to work on? Is it your mouth, heart, attitude, communication, insecurities, etc. Lets work on bettering ourselves for our now and future.
You never know what could happen when quarantine is over, let alone during quarantine. You can be out at the grocery store and meet your forever bae or first day back at work your on the train and you sit next to your future bae. You just never know. So why not take this time to prepare!!!! You will be happy that you used this time wisely and this could even be a way of self-love and self-empowerment ( this seems to be a theme lately).
So I love you guys. I am cheering for you all. WE GOT THIS!!! Things are going to get better from here on out. Place your heart, life, and future in Jesus. It will be well =)
I Love you ,
xoxo Z.M.